I am suffering a black coffee this morning because there's no milk. Miss Dunnit's current squeeze is on his way to the shop now...bless him. He might as well. She's still in the shower, making the most of our patience; knowing that we will try hard not to hurry and chivvy her - for today is her birthday.
I'm not entirely sure how it happened, but she's 22 today. There is a card and a gift..some money. At that age, as an only child, there isn't much you want as a gift because you've already had everything on account of being spoiled all your life. Or so general perception would have you believe. Honestly, I've taken more flack for having a 'lonely only' child than I ever did for not having a child at all in the 10 years before she arrived.
When she and the boyfriend return to their own lives by the sea and I survey my empty nest, I have a fleeting thought that if I had a another run at this parent thing, I'd work harder at getting it right. It doesn't last long.
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24 comments:
I'm sure we all think we could have done a better job. I'm equally sure that you did a very good one. You've raised a young woman who has the strength of mind/character to be herself and not follow the herd. I always wonder why other people think they have the right to make judgements (and vocalise them) on our parenting choices. The flack I receive is usually for the fact I am still, for the most part, a SAHM, despite my children being in their late teens. Stuff 'em!
Happy Birthday to your daughter.
You try asking your daughter if she thinks you did a good job.....her answer would be 'You are the best mum anyone could have'. That's what the mums are THE BEST
We got the same guff about an only child for ten years. Then our youngest was born and for a few short years we had two children and would have been considered 'proper parents', except for the fact that in the little town we lived in, most people asked if she was our grand-daughter. This really made the oldest daughter angry! At 18 the oldest one was on her own and we were back to having only one child. Remember being told there wasn't an instruction manual for raising children? There isn't one for letting them go, either.
I have a grown "lonely child" too. She is an independent, strong, self-sufficient professional woman. But I know what you mean, there are still things I might try differently. And I love Deanna's comment about there not being an instruction manual for letting them go. Isn't that the truth!
Happy Birthday to your daughter and to you!
Where does the time go.
Our son just turned 27 and it seems it was in the blink of an eye.
Your coffee looks yummy to me.
Happy T Day oxo
Do wish Miss Dunnit a very happy birthday from me. There is no right or wrong amount of children or right or wrong way to bring them up my friend.....there is just your way and I'm certain you will have done the very best job you could [and I'm sure Miss Dunnit will adree with me too :-) ]. You wont love your one any more/less than I love each of my three but your's , like mine will go out in the world and make it a better place for them being in it....I'd say that's a job done well wouldn't you? :-)
Enjoy the special day and give yourself a pat on the back for the job you've done.
Hugs,
Annie x
Well happy birthday to your lovely one and only Julia! We have only one child (?)-he's 27 now-a son-and guess what? He doesn't drink hot drinks either!! We used to all the time get the comments about having another because you don't want a spoiled child but it would have been too difficult for me because of health. We didn't spoil our son, and he is very happy being the only child after growing up and seeing all the chaos of sibling rivalry and stuff in both sides of our family. He's got a great core group of friends and he's happy with that. Happy T day to you!
We could always have done better (as could our own parents, for that matter). Looking back is only a good thing if you're treasuring the fond memories. (I'm waving "happy birthday" to your daughter here.)
First, I hope Miss Dunnit had a great birthday. Glad that you shared this with us. As an "only" raised by people who were god-sends rather than obligatory, my grandparents spoiled me in ways I can never fully explain. Not with money, but with manners, values, hospitality, endless tutoring, and LOVE that was never ending. Of course, my grandfather threw in a good measure of auto, plumbing, electrical, and woodworking sense, too. I'm quite certain when Miss D. looks back over her life, she'll understand how blessed, loved, and happy she was, too. After all, she had good role models, which is all any of us can ask for!
Had to laugh at your comment about me helping Sally. I even VOLUNTEERED when I learned she had ONE day to clean out the overstuffed garage because she had driven right into the garage door instead of backing out of the drive. Since I LOVE to organize, it was not a problem for me, but I knew it would be for Sally who hasn't an organizing gene in her body. Her idea of organizing is to throw it in on top and let the chips fall as they will. BTW, she got her new garage door the next morning, and we got rid of a LOT of stuff in the process.
Thanks for sharing your wonderful coffee (or is that cocoa) with us for T this Tuesday.
Julia, your post resonated with me today. Had I the flair for writing that you do, it could have been written by me.
We have one daughter who is also 22 and one the verge of "leaving the nest". Everything you referenced such as gifts, spoiling, and taking (forever) her time getting ready is just so true!
Wishing your daughter the happiest of birthdays!
Hope Jennie enjoyed her rare hot chocolate... if she let you force her! Wishing her a very happy birthday too. I am sure she won't think you've failed in any way, and there are bound to be lots of plus points for being an "only"... sometimes, growing up, I used to wish I was... but then we made up and all was well again! But seriously, she knows - and so do we - that she is much loved and has been brought up to do things right, and her way, and that's down to you and Mr D. so happy 28th July to you all!!
Oh so true...they grow up so fast, these children of ours! hope you enjoy a lovely day with your daughter and can adjust to her not being around so often. my daughter won't drink coffee or tea either. apparently caffeine is bad for your singing voice so she won't touch the stuff. There's no accounting for taste, and I tell myself that my influence definitely diminished when she went off to university, so everything can't be ALL my fault! ;) Happy T day....and please let me know when you receive your ATC!
Ahh, I do hope Miss D had a very very happy birthday. We have had several birthdays hereabouts too this month. It's a very expensive month, is July, lol.
Some people should really mind their own business and not feel they have the right to tell others that no children, one child or half a dozen children is right or wrong. SheesH! get on with your own lives for goodness sake.
I raised three children who are now grown and now I'm raising my grandson as my own, so he is an only child, and the things I have done with him that I simply could not do with three has blessed me with a new lease of life filled with boundless joys and adventure.
Wishing you a very Happy T Day - even if it is a tad late ;)
another fling? that's what grandchildren are for!!!
Non of their bloody business what you do with your life decisions.
Happy birthday to MDD1. That is alovely coloured coffee even if it didnt have milk
Happy happy birthday to Miss Dunnit! I too have an only child, a son named Joshua. And yes, even if we've done our best, we think we can still do better! Especially from hindsight!!! patsy
Hope Miss D had a wonderful day. You must have done something right Julia as she came home to share her birthday with you.
Toni xx
I have a 22yr old and 20yr old - neither will drink tea or coffee - so don't feel bad. She sounds independant and happy - what more can you want!!
Coming in late..... I have had several children over the years and it strikes me that which ever way you look at it...... we do the best we can and then criticise ourselves!!!
xxx
Coming in late..... I have had several children over the years and it strikes me that which ever way you look at it...... we do the best we can and then criticise ourselves!!!
xxx
You and me both... there are definitely some things i would do different if i were to raise her again... She ... however does drink tea and coffee...lol Happy Birthday to your daughter and HAPPY happy T day!! Hugs! deb
This is my third attempt to leave you a comment, hope third time is the charm....LOL
Thanks for stopping by for Tea this week and for leaving a comment. The GDs and I are having quite a colorful summer, but sadly only 4 more play days and then school will start again......and I will have an empty nest again too.
Miss Dunnit isn't spoiled just "well loved" as my Mom used to tell me about my boys. Just wait until the next generation arrives and you can really "love" them.......then send them home!! LOL
I too have a "lonely child" and waited a long time before I had her (I was 37). I might have spoiled her but she turned out to be a beautiful and caring young woman who does like coffee and tea! No regrets - just enjoy her! Sounds as though she is doing OK!
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