Saturday, 27 August 2011

What I did to the Geek.....

Y'all know I've been offline for a handful of days because I was experiencing computer problems that required proper repair.  Lots of you know too that I've had/got shingles, and it puts you out, I can tell you.  And for me, it makes a lot of everyday things an effort, which has made me a bit short tempered.  I know it's hard to get your head around that failing in me, but I admit it, I'm sure eventually, I'll grow out of it. Now you may also know that I dread a computer failure because as good as he is, the Geek is not user friendly.  I took the PC tower in, he unscrewed the large panel and suggested that the fan was probably clogged with dust because I don't have the tower somewhere well ventilated and dust free.  He's right.  It's on a tower stand in my house.  Not a nuclear laboratory.  I don't empty the hoover bag into it every week, mostly because it would mean visiting him more often.   He noted too that one of the USB ports is mangled..and said he recognised  a common accident  - a memory stick was in the port and I must have hoovered up to it at an oblique angle and broken it off, goodbye memory stick, hello mangled port.  It didn't happen that way...mostly on account of the fact that the USB port is about 2 feet off the floor, but hey, he didn't hear me the first time after all - too busy talking over me.
I left the PC with him for diagnosis, mending and a RAM upgrade.  It's ready and perfect when I collect and I'm a happy bunny.  Until he starts about the grime that he cleaned out and the implication that I don't keep house in the computer department too well.  I was obliged to point out that a lot of his customers would be very upset about his inference and may not come back - and added, for the sake of friendly banter that luckily, I was less sensitive than that.  Ha Ha.  He was offended, actually, which I do give him credit for!  And then he lifted the keyboard from under the counter to tap in some details for an invoice.  And I damn nearly fainted.  It was so, so filthy that I couldn't keep quiet.  Some of the keys - the shift in particular, had a ridge - A RIDGE of gunk around the swiped area that the thumb continually hits. It may be that I went over the top when I said I dread to think what their staff loo was like.  But I was in mild shock.  Honest, I ain't house proud, but I know clean from dirty!  So he gets the hump and says if he spent all his time cleaning up, he wouldn't be able to mend computers so quickly.  I pointed out that if he cleaned once, it would take all of 10 minutes a day to keep his shabby premises clean.  It was all banter, but we both meant it.  I paid, remarked that he'd probably put a curse on me now, and left.
This is getting rather long..but I need you to have a feel for it.  Really I do.
At home, Mr D sets it all back up because I'm off for a nap and he has an urgent need to access dome business stuff.  When I surface and try to use it, the keyboard won't work.  And nor does the sound.  Argh.  Pull tower out, get glasses, get phone, sit on floor and stare hard at the back of the tower.  It's all colour coded these days - did you know?  The purple end of the keyboard wire plugs into the purple port, the blue end of the mouse into the blue port -----and so on.  So I'm completely baffled because it's all plugged and ported correctly.  I note that the purple (keyboard) plug isn't as far in as it should be.  Ease it out, compare pins in plug to holes in port.  (OK, I had to use my glasses and a magnifying glass).  Ring the Geek - to ask about the sound problem and check it's ok to erm..'ease' a couple of pins apart - they've been pushed together and don't now match the socket. 
Naturally, I get a lecture about closing everything down first..fine.  He gets really cross when I accidentally out of habit close down but allow it to install updates.  He was incredulous; you know - when someone's being really stupid and you say something like 'you mean to tell me...' , so I talked him around -  while we're waiting for that, talk to me about the lack of sound.  He explained at great l e n g t h and in words of simple syllable construction about the 3 pastel coloured plugs...mauve light blue and pink.  And that to achieve sound, the speaker wire needs to be plugged into its corresponding colour. OK light blue to light blue.   Re-start computer.  Still not working.  Close down again.  I did the same thing again with the update button -just to annoy him.  Use lovely fine perfect craft tweezers to ease the pins apart so that the keyboard plug re-fits perfectly.  Score, Julia.  Start computer...keyboard works fine.  Spend half an hour going through instructions - click this, click that..blah blah..to discover sound isn't that easy to achieve.  He suggests with a sigh,  bring the tower back tomorrow, I really can't do any more by phone because you don't know enough to follow my further instructions properly. Oh really.  Well, I'll have to see. I'm busy.  Being cross.
Anyway....long story huh.  Want a punchline?  I was so utterly peeved this morning that I can't catch up with iPlayer that I decided to just try another colour of plug for my light blue speaker cable. So then I had to ring again.  He answered 'Hello Julia, love'  and explained we were on speaker phone because he and a couple of customers were 'busy' - with their hands, presumably.  So I told them and him that I'd sussed the sound problem out on my own.  I'd plugged the light blue cable into the pink port and it works a treat.  Thanks for all your help. Perhaps it's better not to call me 'love' when we've been arguing!



35 comments:

Ali said...

Oh my. I really don't envy you. From your description, I'm surprised he has any customers left!

I'm lucky.. I have my own personal IT geek on tap - DH! :D

SnowflakeDreams1 said...

That is just to funny. Thank you for sharing.

Artyjen said...

Funny to read...not so funny with the frustration caused by Geeks!!! HOL
xoxo Sioux

Lunch Lady Jan said...

Go back into the shop and present him with a packet of easy-clean disinfectant wipes and a packet of scrubber sponges!! xx

Siobhan Brignull said...

OMG ROFL x

Dragon said...

Cheeky bug--r serve him right you showed him up!!! Silly little man and well done you... Now with all this going on I hope you have NOT forgotten your birdycage!!! You still have time to do it... - you DID ask me to remind you!!
Frankie
xx

Di said...

Oh dear - I just hopped in before going to bed - now I'm gonna be lying in the dark stifling snorts of laughter unable to sleep. Sorry Julia but this is really so funny the way you told it - but, I'd have been tempted to smack his chops and shove a feather duster where the sun don't shine :)) Di xx

misteejay said...

So funny to read but probably not so funny to experience.

Toni xx

paola said...

I loved the lengthy post, got a real good feel for what was going down, lol, my sons a geek for the puter and sometimes i just hate that condescending tone they use with the more techno challenge, especially when they use the words Luv and hunny i wanna slap them. You rock girlfriend for trying it out yourself and having great success.
smiles
Paola

nerllybird said...

Haha, priceless! I hear your suffering....:D The other week some poor campsite owner was obliged to give me a jump start so that I could get the hell off his land...he was perfectly pleasant and helpful but just couldn't bring himself to have a natural conversation with a female about car stuff. He started off, just about, talking to me, but after a sentence or two just couldn't maintain it and instead addressed his comments about car batteries to Son, who is all of 14 and can't fetch a box from the next room without messing it up. I stood there watching the awkwardness of Campsite Owner and the corresponding confusion of Son, and felt deep compassion for their male ineptitude...:D :D :D

Bleubeard and Elizabeth said...

This is indeed a humorous post. You have a way with words and telling a funny tale. It's always a bit disconcerting when a man, any man, talks to you like you are three. It was a nice (or should I say LOVEly) punchline, too.

Carola Bartz said...

Oh Julia, I had to laugh several times. I feel very lucky that I have my personal Geek at home, and he better not get grumpy with me because then there will be no dinner!

Nina said...

First time visiting your blog and I only have one word! FANFRIGGINTASTIC! I really LOL ed!

scrappystickyinkymess said...

Oh the sweet smell of geeks doing a slow burn, the shame of it all for him, and in front of customers ! that'll teach him to treat a clever crafter with more respect. Clearly, he forgets we have pokey tools too.....

MA

Bella said...

All of your wonderfully told story does not explain the wiring chaos in the photo above... I am intrigued to know what that mess is all about? My hubby is a techno geek and can sometimes drive me mad cos we talk at cross purposes as he is too intelligent to come down to my level and when he finally does and sees the problem and my proposed answer, I am usually right, but the frustration is infuriating!

Bella said...

PS: My hubby geek walked in and saw that photo and nearly blew a fuse, read your post with a good laugh and says pink is sound! and I see it is a photo from a photo place in Russia! Now I don't feel so bad that this mess could have been yours...

Shazsilverwolf said...

Yep, my Beloved Husband Nerd nearly died when he saw that picture. Let me tell you, I fully believe his 'cable tie everything' method to be a secret fetish!

CoventryAnn said...

Thank God I married with my Geek, but he does expect payment in kind on occasion!!!

Mummylade said...

Fabulous picture, I love it! =)

Sue said...

Hi Julia
a fabulous post luv how you write them, well done on sorting it out hun, do hope you feeling better soon, hugs, sue,x

Elizabeth said...

Funny post but behind the humour I'm feeling pain. That photo sent shivers through me ... and all I will say is it serves your geek right - I, too, react very badly to being called 'love' by anyone other than my love. Elizabeth x

Diane said...

Go Julia!!!
Score one for all females out there who have experienced that condescending tone that just seems to appear as soon as the geek realises he is dealing with a woman!
Nice one girl!

Yogi said...

you are just so funny. I don't normally read long posts, but you just kept me going. Sheesh. Glad it worked out eventually. BIG GRIN

Carol Anne said...

I am the family Geek, and I treat my family better than your Geek treated you. Glad you got it all fixed.

ShazInOzCardsCalligraphy said...

oh dear Julia - how horrid, the whole deal - and so agree with what lunch lady Jan said!! Shaz in Oz.x

Pam said...

i'm with lunch lady Jan! :-)

Serendipity Stamping said...

Oh you have so much fun. Please tell me that horrible tangle of cables is for more than one computer. I only have four and some times that is an annoyance to me. Well here's hoping you have a long spell before you need to call and huff at the "expert". LOL

LuLu said...

Howdy Julia,
Glad you got that pesky sound problem fixed.

Are those really YOUR computer cables?!?!

Hope you're feeling better soon - and thanks for stopping by my blog!

Peace,
LuLu

Kezzy said...

Lol, serves him right to embarass him, I can't believe he was like that, what happened to the paying customer is always right. Glad you are back on the pc. Hope you feel better soon. Kezzyx

angelfish said...

I'm sorry to say I laughed out loud at your tale! What a horrible man, I'm amazed he has any customers at all! We too have a broken usb port, but I think it had more to do with my son's impatience/clumsiness than my hoovering style! So glad you showed him up, not that I'm petty you understand.

Ann B said...

Brilliant post Julia, so funny and I was with you all the way. Lovely to see so called 'experts' get their noses rubbed in it.

Sylvia/LittleTreasures said...

It is simply frustration. You worded it all wonderfully. I could ditto the post only I took mine back and then I paid for 2nd time to find out later when I brought it home I had a computer that got fried and I was out of luck and money. So now I;ve learned to take off the side panel, carefully dust about and use dry air to spray my fan clean. But what would life be like with out? Enjoy your week..

Craftilicious said...

I work with computer geeks all day - their first port of call is turn it off and on then kick it - perhaps you should try that on the geek himself next time........

Paula Gale said...

OMG - too funny if you weren't so ill (sorry I missed that at the time - hope you don't have a repeat of it)... anyway, I say again; you should have a column - instead of Jane Moore - perhaps? I'm sure your story telling skills of accounts would get published; you should try!

Hope you didn't have shingles too long; i'm sorry I didn't know at the time to wish you well - but I hope you remain shingle free from hereonin.

Big hugs

Paula x x x

Mary said...

Score one for you! I hate dealing with repair people who assume I am half witted. I loudly announced to a young man that I might have gray hair, but the gray matter still works well and not to talk down to me. I heard giggling as I left the bank! Thankfully everyone in the bank were in my age bracket.