Saturday, 21 September 2013

Ten things to do....

When your Internet service disappears

  1. Keep trying to get the connection...by sitting at the screen and hitting the 're-try' button.  For longer than is good for you.
  2. Swear and give up.  Remove self from PC and check iPad for signs of life in the ether.  This confirms it.  Swear again.
  3. Pace about a bit.  Decide to try some other fixes...come at it from a different angle.  Turn it off and turn it back on.   It usually works, right?
  4. Whine like a baby when ' the fix' doesn't work .  Sulk till someone comes home and you can whine at them too. Sulk a bit more when it becomes apparent that it's not threatening their life like it's threatening yours.
  5. Puff and wheeze a bit when the suggestion is made to USE THE PHONE to contact the service provider.  Sulk because no -one else is going to do it.
  6. Speak nicely and be friendly to the Service Provider.  He is now after all, the link to your entire life.  Offer in a round-about and embarrassing way to cook him a nice tea if he can sort it out just for you.  And then....well, you just have to wait.  
  7. Remind yourself about the pre-internet days and the life you had.  Can't remember that far back?  No me neither.  Start on overdue paperwork.
  8. Cook a batch of chilli con carne, sweet vegetable chilli, chicken curry and spanish chicken. Check the connection each time you step into the room that houses your PC. Ring the service provider and remind them that you're still a very nice person and still without a connection and try emotional blackmail.  Explain that you have no life outside and that your emotional well being is dependant upon Internet access. Convince yourself that the stunned silence is due to a faulty line rather than the operator's horror at your neediness.
  9. Consider overdue paperwork and making a start on the tax return.  Consider writing loads of witty and amusing blog posts for scheduling.  Consider some housework.  
  10. Feel less guilty about sitting slumped and bad tempered in front of the tv for a third evening, get back to the crochet.
Yes gentle reader, now I'm back in the land of breathing ether and I bring you this list by way of a warning; how not to cope. There are lots of lists.  This is not one I'm proud of, but in my defence, this isn't a witty and urbane scheduled post. I was so busy sulking that I didn't quite get around to fulfilling any considerations.  But, we're OK for frozen dinners, come the revolution.

26 comments:

Debbie Frost said...

Love it needed a laugh thanks Julia!! x

Sharon said...

Oh Julia this is so apt for me at the mo.......not sure this will even post before connection disappears AGAIN! Grr! My life is falling apart without internet! Madness! x

Belinda Basson said...

I can't go a day without the net...funny considering I learned to type on a manual typewriter, could do maths in my head and would phone friends for a chat...now we have a gadget for everything and message peeps instead of talking and visiting...funny world we live in now! glad to have you back on the grid!

janine said...

Goodness, this post reminds me of a time when I moved into a new place and was told that it would take 10 days to get internet access. That is how far backed up they were with appointments. It was the longest 10 days of my life. Seriously, it would take me a bit of time to remember life before this new & improved idiot box.

Kim Ferguson said...

You have been peering into my windows... that has been our household for about two weeks. Our Internet provided helped us through the process of elimination and ended up purchasing a new Wi-Fi router last night. TaDa! The Internet is behaving today and I am able to browse through blogs and YouTube. You have all been missed. Glad to be back. Kim

Lynda Norton said...

LOL, feel your pain. We just went on holiday with mobiles and laptop - no signal or any form of service for 7 WHOLE DAYS, I have officially just spent that time on another planet, its really not a good thing is it?

misteejay said...

I really can't remember how I coped before internet - the couple of occasions when 'net service was lost and/or PC decided not to play I was like a sorry lost soul not knowing what to do that didn't involve using the PC.

Glad you are now back wandering the ether.

Toni xx

Helen said...

I go mad if my internet disappears... just can't imagine life without it... good that you are back, even if you haven't done the tax or the other jobs! Ally Pally was fab - if your service holds up stop by for some big bad shopping!!! although of course it will all be shared again on Wednesday...

scrappymo! said...

I can imagine your distress. The first thing I do when we get to the RV is race in and check the internet connection. Invariably it is down and then i waste an hours or so of my precious relaxing time, on hold, waiting for them to restore it.

My heart goes out to you! Glad you are back in the land of the connected!

Bleubeard and Elizabeth said...

Been there, had that same thing happen to me. Felt the same frustration. Also couldn't remember before the internet, and pre-blogging is a distant memory, too. I'm thrilled that I'm not the only person who feels the intense withdrawal when this happens.

Just last night, my monitor decided to quit working properly, and all I could see were shades of green. I was back every five minutes or so, rebooted, tried everything I knew, including completely disconnecting the cables and checking for good connections.

After several hours of discontent, much like Oral Roberts laying hands on my computer, the color in the monitor healed itself. So I was glad to see your post and felt much better about my self imposed panic attacks!

StampinCarol said...

Oh my! You seem to have gotten a bit more accomplished than when this happens to me! And my idea of "rebooting" is a boot to the PC.... I do have an old dead one on the floor that I can kick.

voodoo vixen said...

LOL... I can feel your pain... because other than cooking all those meals and probably not being so nice to the service provider :( this is me when the interwebs goes down! We are pretty sad, aren't we? ;)

Jill said...

Quite disappointing if turn off and on again doesn't work! At least meals are sorted for a while. I hope today is much better!
Jill

fairy thoughts said...

Oh dear poor Julia... All that cooking!!!!
Dinners done gives you more time to blog now.
But I feel your pain. Sorry I didn't get back to you about the workshop I seem to have list my confidence a bit about doing these things, I'm on holiday from work and now have a stinking head cold ..... Not fair :-)
Janet

Christine said...

PJ thought you were writing about me?!?!?!?
I have had access for a whole week now - enjoying it while I can.............

I am away next week and taking cards, sewing, knitting..... and my laptop just in case the site is in the 21st Century!

Rita said...

LOL! Can totally relate! ;)
Glad you're back.

Sandra (Stamping For Pleasure) said...

Oh dear Julia . . . life before the internet? No, I can't remember that far back either!

Glad all is well now and I'll be round for a chicken dinner soon!

Hugs
Sarn xxx

April Story said...

I can so relate. I've decided there is nothing I enjoy doing that doesn't require electricity and the internet. Sad but true. And I choose to accept this fact and be pouty when I don't have one or the other or both. :-)
April

Monica said...

There is nothing worse, it is the end of the known world.

Annie said...

Hi Julia, I've just read this out to Mr Wipso and now we are both chuckling :-) Really hope your internet problems are now sorted and don't come back any time soon.
Hugs,
A x

Robyn said...

It happens here about once a week, tho only for a few hours.
I was away from it all for 6 days, tho that doesn't could cause I knew it was out there is I wanted it!
Your list- LOL when it isn't happening to me!

Hammers said...

Hi Julia...you are not alone..I had the same thing happen a while back :( My post wasn't as funny as your's but it might cheer you up - http://hamnmuledesigns.blogspot.com/2012/05/basic-human-rights-flamingoes.html - Also look at it this way..I lose my WIFI at least twice a week since we moved to NYC..I am starting to cope with it. Cx

Monique said...

haha, I can so relate to that...and the thing is, you don't even realise how much you use the internet, until it's not there....
xx Monique

Princess Judy Palmer said...

This reminds me of hubby sulking because he realized the best time to watch black and white horror movies was when the power was out. But the power was out so he couldn't watch them. It was so sad to see. It is also sad how dependent we've become on technology.

Karen said...

Oh what did we do before the internet?!?!?!? It's like having your right arm cut off!!!! I'm with you on this......it's soooooooo boring without it! Even though I can now live without it for days, I still like to know it's there if I need it. Glad to have you back in the land of the living! Karen x

Sandy said...

LOL chuckling away here.. I have friends who don't even know anything about computers.. I know I am astonished too.. When I talk about blogs, facebook (they are not on facebook really they arent) and youtube videos they look at me like I am from a different planet.. I have never mentioned that I watch live vimeo links from California.. They really would think I am from Mars..